Truth : I envy people who have a great...
“tears are just your eyes drooling over the delicious relationship you could have had with your father.”
Her eyes don't light up when she hears your name...
and don’t even think about emailing her with an wikipedia-diagnosis-explanation of your actions.
My Life: DEAR ASSHOLE, →
i-use-books-to-escape: You are the biggest jerk in the world, so why can’t i stop loving you. For as long as i have known you, you have just passed over me like a pebble in the road. Well i’m gonna make you a pact, i pact to make myself something worth noticing over the summer. i pact to lose weight, clear my acne, and… this is the best angstiest tumblr ever
My Life: Dear Whore, →
i-use-books-to-escape: I see you flirting with another girls boyfriend, the second she leaves the room you’re grinding all over him. All the girls know you stuff your bra the boys don’t know that though. The boy i love is the only one who can see through your facade, he knows what a bitch you really are. Why do you… hahahahahahahahahahahahaha omg what
INTERNET HIGH SCHOOL?
IS THIS KID SERIOUS? WHAT EVEN IS THAT?
Every time my mom
asks about CJ coming home (which is in ONE WEEK! btw) I’m always tempted to be like “IDK mom but there will be SO MUCH SEX and you can’t even judge me because we’re married so HA” Although I can’t because that’s weird. Also, I told my aunt my throat was strangely sore that time it was and she was like “we don’t need to know how you hurt...
on a related note
and I have discussed this with Melissa extensively, since I want to have like five kids (which will probably actually only end up being like 3 in real life but hey a girl can dream) I’ve decided to have pretty much every kind of birth. Like, the first one I’ll go all natural or whatever, the next one I’ll do a water birth, another one I’ll try to do on one of those balance...
I feel like everyone ever nowadays
uses pitocin and induces labor as opposed to letting it happen naturally. Is it as popular as medical shows (also lol @ 16 and pregnant being a ~medical show) make it out to be, or do the majority of births still start themselves? I’m just curious. Also I wonder if there are any medical implications to inducing labor as opposed to just letting nature take its course. Basically all...
16 and pregnant!
this show is so perfect because it allows me to judge the shit out of people, yell at the TV, liveblog, and feel SUPER good about my life choices, all of which are my favorite things to do!
i always think the same four things when I watch...
STOP YELLING IN HIS EAR HE’S TRYING TO DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE chola eyebrows? is that dude pouring beer on her ass? I wish the apostles really had been a motorcycle gang
The Abortionplex is now on Yelp →
pluralisms: paradoxologydottumblrdotcom: downlo: thecranium:fridaphile:maritsa:pantsless: Just effing glorious. Link in title. I’m gasping for air, these reviews are hilarious. High fiving every reviewer. oh mah gah. Crying with laughter: And I hear they plan to offer a special of four abortions for the price of one when February 29th comes around, so you can get rid of all...
caffeinatedashley asked: we really need to get on this making plans to see each other thing! (:
i'm having withdrawals!
i'm having withdrawals!
MY FETUS HITS HARDER THAN THAT!
I got buzzed and heckled people playing a force-of-punch-measurement game at a bar tonight.
tomyhusband: Sailor Jerry, BBQ, hotel pools, the beach, and at least one titty bar. You’re my partner in crime, giddy up! CJ COMES HOME IN ONE WEEK!
Reblog if all your perfect men are either taken,...
beltyouaroundthemouth: My ideal man is married. aw shucks.
This year July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5...
vickiipedia: MONEY. Only reblogging because I’m a greedy bitch who wants money. Hey doesn’t hurt to reblog ya knoww and if money is involved…. My mom’s paycheck arrives in 4d days, THIS SHIT WORKKSS chinese feng shui knows about tumblr ? ANY CHANCE FOR FREE MONEY? reblogging only for the bear in the big blue house .gif (clicksaved btw) and the fact that my pay day is in 4...
Cool things I learned from xkcd
on ANY wikipedia page, if you click the first link that is not italicized or in parenthesis, and repeat, you will ultimately end up at philosophy. ALWAYS.
brosephstalin-deactivated201212 asked: Flight of the Conchords episode Bowie
hurry up in the shower! I stink and need to shower so I can sleep!
When someone you like doesn't reply to you.
thefaceoffailure: But then you see them on Facebook talking to everyone else. omg this was me that entire week that Mike didn’t talk to me anymore and Me and Megan didn’t know what to do with myself
one of my coworkers asks if I have a boyfriend (or in today’s case when one asked if I was a virgin LOL) and I’m like lol actually I’m married I always feel like I’m bragging. Or rather, that it sounds like I’m bragging. Especially since my coworkers are mostly younger than me and suddenly get all googly eyed and are like OMG REALLY?! YOU’RE MARRIED? so I never...