On getting things done.
dearcoketalk: I may or may not be in like with someone I’ve previously hooked up with who now has a girlfriend. He’s an idiot who knows his girlfriend is a whore and cheats on him constantly, yet has not dumped the bitch. He knows I’m better than her and my heart aches every day because the man I want to be with is with a whore. HELP. Fuck them both and have a sandwich. if he dumps her for...
in the dark
I can pretend he is you
they aren't having sex
thank god. they might at some point, but i am not the only person who didn’t get sex for my birthday.
look. I know it may be a bit presumptuous of me to want sex on my birthday, but it’s my birthday. I feel like I deserve an orgasm or two shared with a hot man for my birthday. I mean, come on. I’m 22. I just got dumped a couple weeks ago. I just got rejected by someone I wanted to have sex with two days ago. It’s my birthday. shouldn’t I get something?
I have made out with two different boys over the course of two days. I AM BACK, TUMBLR. I AM FUCKING BACK
remember a few hours ago when i was excited about making out and cuddling with the science-y bearded face who i wanted to make me happy for a while and possibly date for a little while? there will be no more bearded making out. he’s afraid of feelings.
conversations i have had about ke$ha:
Me: “RE: kesha: ‘if by hot you mean you’d be willing to make eye contact while she blew coke off your dick at a sketchy night club, yeah i guess she’s hot’” Melissa: “hahaha who said that?” Me: “Me. someone said kesha was hot and that was my response” Melissa: “haha that is fucking perfect” Me: “I love including coke off...
i made out with a scienc-y, bearded face today and it was awesome. and i am going to let him make me happy for a while. and tomorrow i have a date with another boy. and i was invited to another boy’s house to rage tonight.
HOW DOES MY VAG TASTE?
I bet it tastes like second place. HOW DOES SILVER TASTE? NOT AS GOOD AS GOLD I BET!
beards are just a way for ugly 21st century...
pluralisms: homebodybuddy: savagemike: yeahiwasintheshit: fuck beards. eat pussy. I have a beard AND I eat pussy. that sounds very messy and hurty. BEARDS FOREVER (oral sex sometimes) made out with a beard yesterday. going to be making out with a beard tomorrow. he isn’t a hipster. he’s a science nerd.
and she shall henceforth be referred to as Sloppy...
because she is getting my sloppy seconds and he is getting the sloppy seconds of his roommate.
How old are you in 2018?
pluralisms: whatstheplanrubberband: brave-slut: tomhardyslips: neontigerheart: readmyhockeymind: watchcloudsfallfromsky: ziggyvalentine: hellgates: kshadows: i’ll be 25(: ^I’ll be exactly the same as her on the exact same day ;) 27. Yep. =P 25..oh dear lord 24. wow. 23 (: 24 :O 27. 34. 30. word. Damn, people on tumblr are way young. I feel old and creepy. ...
oh hey broseph stalin!
brosephstalin: awildvuvuzelaappeared: thanks for the follow! i’d like to apologize for the rage boner tumblr entry. it was directed towards the girl my ex boyfriend (who i dated for three years) who just broke up with me a week ago is about to start dating. haha, good madam, your tumblr name makes up for any rage posts lol. i really like pokemon and vuvuzelas.
oh hey broseph stalin!
thanks for the follow! i’d like to apologize for the rage boner tumblr entry. it was directed towards the girl my ex boyfriend (who i dated for three years) who just broke up with me a week ago is about to start dating.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU ARE A CUNT WHORE I...
i needed my mommy
i just spent the most necessary hour ever on the phone with my mom crying and bawling and blubbering about CJ and Cortney and how my life sucks and i’m going to turn 40 next year and i’m just going to end up marrying someone i hate and living the life of a sham marriage. as soon as she answered the phone and we both said hi, and she asked how i was doing, i started crying and launched...
"Tampon String" is a pretty
drinkyourjuice: good name to call someone lazy. Ya know what, Jeanine? How about you stop being such a tampon string and help mom vacuum the car? When you go to college your roommate’s not gonna stand for Rice Krispies all over the floor. This is a life skill.
“what makes the desert beautiful, is that somewhere it hides a well…”
The Little Prince changes my life every time i...
“But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that i have watered; because it is she that i have put under the glass globe; because it is she that i have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that i have killed the caterpillars; because it is she that i have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes...
drink your juice.: One thing that's gotten so... →
drinkyourjuice: for me in my twenties is drinking as an unprovoked conversation point. I don’t know why my reaction’s as violent as it is, but there’s nothing to be done. Nothing makes me wince like a blog post or a voicemail or a photo announcing someone’s inebriation. It’s so offensive all around. A: I usually… me RE: everyone’s enthusiasm/need to broadcast via facebook status...
i think i might drop my environmental economics...
it looks like it’s going to be way above my head and i have zero foundation for it
I swear to god I will lose my mind if I hear the “sex sells” fallacy one more...– (via littlelightx) but what about on old spice commercials, abercrombie and fitch ads, weight loss ads, GQ, and other media which has chiseled men’s bodies that look like something Michelangelo carved? that to me is a pornographically fueled idea of the perfect man. case i point, i would...
this is my 800th post.
CJ and i broke up last night. i had kind of felt it coming, but i had hoped that it wouldn’t have. i don’t think it’s fully hit me yet. but i am so sad and frustrated and angry and confused and a whole big mess of other things that all amount to my life feeling like it sucks. maybe we’ll be able to get back together at some point. i’d be up for it. i’m just...
hex(ane) exchange? more like SEX exchange,...
filed under: jokes i want to make at work no one at work finds me amusing jokes no one in my internet world will get making innuendos out of hydrocarbons
dear melissa campbell
you should be so proud. the boy at work who has the crush on me has a BEARD! oh and he’s played every version of pokemon. SCORE! also, you should see these text messages.
my place of business is turning into a key party
so remember that time i suspected that one of my coworkers thought i was totally cute? i was right. kenny works on the forensics side of the lab (i work in organics), but occasionally comes to my side to get something, chat, or tease me. i’ve always suspected that he thought i was cute, but figured it was just kind of whatever. on wednesday it was unbearably hot in the lab, so i worked...
getting to be 3am.
pluralisms: i can’t sleep because i slept for 14 hours last night and then had two lattes and a “small” pepsi from burger king. the pepsi was from burger king, i mean. one of the lattes was from dunkin donuts and one of them was from starbucks and they were both pumpkin spice flavored but whatever, nobody asked about that. i always feel really self destructive in the middle of the night but i...
WHAT JUST HAPPENED? i mean really. when it rains it pours. work with me here. what is going on with you and me? and WHY must you come crashing down at 1 in the morning? no one is awake to help me deal with all these things.